Cheque it oot, man!

People in the US like to personalise things because your average USian is very exacting and has very specific needs. For instance, in Starbucks or similar such purveyors of coffee, it's not uncommon to hear something like "I want a tall double skinny cinnamon soy latte with extra foam and served at 170F, and only Bob the Barista can make my coffee because only he knows how I like it". 

When we first got here, we had a man in a mobile phone shop tell us that it's not uncommon to ask for your favourite server (apparently, waiter is too egalitarian a term) because "he knows how I like to order my food so I ask for him as he's someone I can work with". Seriously, I'm not shitting you here.

In some ways it's a good thing, because the customer service here is generally phenomenal. It's actually quite disconcerting at first, when you have staff in shops or bars actually pretending to take an interest in you and being all friendly and shit. In the UK, I've gone into an empty bar and still had to struggle to make the barman become terribly inconvenienced and interrupt scratching his balls to do something as futile as actually serving me a beer. So, in that respect, I can enjoy the US customer service even if it is kind of weird.

But sometimes, it's just plain weird. We ran out of cheques today so we thought it would be a simple task of contacting our bank and ordering some more. Of course, that's obviously a silly idea. Why would a bank actually make chequebooks? Banks only deal with forms of currency, after all. And what is a cheque? Oh, actually, it's a paper promise to pay money, sort of like cash but less useful.

Instead, our bank links to this website where you give them your routing number (equivalent of your sorting code) and your account number, and then you can personalise your cheques so that you can 'Find designs that express your personal style!". For instance, those of an infantile persuasion can get Disney characters on their cheques:

 

The more fundamentalist Christian, Tea Party supporting types have several options:

 

 (note the quote "He who believes in the Son has everlasting life. John 3:36")

 

(subtitle: "America, Fuck Yeah!")

If you believe in the rights of cute, fluffy animals:

For an extra 5 dollars, you can add your own little logo (they had examples like the Jesus fish) and add inspirational little saying as well. Amazing. You really can't make this stuff up. What you can't do is just click on a button to say "I bank with Wells Fargo. Give me some cheques from my bank like what I can use in lieu of money please." Except you'd have to call them checks and not cheques. This also highlights the fact that USian banks rip you off so badly that, not only do you have to pay for your own cheque books, but you have to use a 3rd party to get them made.

Dom spent some time trying to put together the most vomit-inducing, tacky cheque book that she could manage. But it all got a bit overwhelming, so she gave up and is now nursing a gin and tonic. I think I may join her.