Thee first thing I have to say is that is my first attempt to write a blog post from a mobile phone, so please don't judge me on the above-baseline rate of typos. Petulant and whiney arguments should, however, remain mostly intact.
Anyway, much has been written in the past of the differences between British and American English, but I'd like to talk about it anyway. Let's face it, the USians do some odd (and occasionally horrific) things to the English language. Instead of labouring the differences everyone knows about, I'd rather talk about a couple that confused me when I first arrived.
Although I do still giggle immaturately whenever a USian tells me that they got their pants dirty.
One thing that all North Americans get wrong (yes, I'm making a bold statement and saying "wrong") is that they have some specific linguistic retardation when it comes to pronouncing my surname. They pronounce "Craig" to as "Creg", for some unknown reason. For ages, I thought 'Cregg' was just a typical North American name like 'Brad', 'Randy', 'Jeff', etc. But no. It's a bastardisation of my surname. In the US, this word list flows naturally: Smeg, Leg, Peg, Keg, Dreg, Craig. Weird, eh?
To my North American readers, I shall hereby give you the definitive guide to pronouncing "Craig" properly. Take the word 'train'. Say it out loud. Swap the 'T' for a 'C' to get 'Crain'. Say it out loud again, pronouncing it as you did for 'train'. Got it? Okay, now swap the 'N' for a 'G', and say it out loud again. Was that hard? Try this word-list: train, plain, bain, main, chain, sprain, Craig. There should be a lovely assonance. Thank you.
Since my bus isn't at work yet, I'll talk about the way USians use the phrase 'Excuse me'. In the UK, this phrase is used to interrupt a person to make an enquiry, or to get them to move out of your road. So, if you're asking for the time, "excuse me" means "sorry to bother you old chap, but may I bother you for a brief moment of your time?". But say you're on the London Underground and some numpty of a tourist is standing on wrong side of the escaltor. In this situation, saying "excuse me" translates as "Yo, muthafucka, get your stupid arse out of my way right now before I frown disapproving at you". See? It's a simple context-dependent phrase.
In the US, however, they use "excuse me" where someone back home would say "pardon me" or simply "sorry". Such as trampling a stranger by accident at rush hour. Which seems fine, unless you listen in British English. For the first 6 months we were here, I would often get enraged by someone bumping into me, or blocking the lift (elevator if you're North American when I'm trying to get off, because they would say "excuse me" and, in UK English, that translates as them having a go at me for
being bumped into or blocking their entrance to the lift. Thankfully, I worked this difference out before saying something like "Naw, YOU excuse ME, pal!" as this may have precipitated a situation...
So, take-home messages? North Americans, hopefully you can say "Craig" now. Even you Canadians do this wrong, which is disappointing. Second lesson? Glasweigan friends, if an American spills your pint in a pub and says "excuse me", they're not actually trying to start a fight.
